The Silence is Deafening
Close your eyes. What do you hear RIGHT NOW? I hear the leaves rustling in the wind. The cacophony of car sounds on a nearby highway can be heard subtly in the distance. Somewhere, a leaf-blower is cleaning a lawn. A bird squawks and the beeping of a truck in reverse sets a harsh rhythm to the background and nature’s noises.
But in truth I live in silence. Silence when I enter my home. Silence when we eat. Silence when I enter our bed. Silence when we are in the car. Silence from morning through night. And this silence — has nothing to do with volume. It’s a silence that has gotten louder over time. It’s the silence of dampening of thoughtful expression and meaningful conversations. It’s the closure of emotions and the compartmentalizing of feelings. I don’t know exactly when, why or why it started, but I know it was gradual and I thought it was permanent.
Recently, I’ve begun to hear noise again, and it’s a wonderful feeling. A voice from the past, put aside, but never forgotten. Emotions, long hidden are remembered and revealed. Overcoming the habit of withholding, embracing the urge to share has gradually brought the sound back. Words, for so long left unsaid, are now not only spoken but sung and the tune is melodious.
For the moment, while I’m alone with my thoughts, my imagination nostalgically drifts to a time and place that I can’t yet get to. It’s quiet where I am, but definitely not silent.